If there were awards for “Most Worrying” or “Best Anxiety Breakdown,” I would be a 700 Time Award Winning national treasure. I’m a mess. Having Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, I’m plagued with constant & undue doubts, anxiety, & panic banging to get out of my head all day, every day. When major changes or stress comes my way, it triggers even more anxiety. It’s like a domino effect. Sometimes (MOST of the time) it’s difficult for me to reel myself back in from those destructive spiraling thoughts.
Three days ago, I got a phone call from the office of our apartment complex. They told me that there’s a good chance our rent is going to increase quite a bit in the coming months, which could prove to be very difficult for us to make ends meet. We’re just getting to a place where we’re able to build our savings account & pay a little on our student loans, so the last thing we need is a huge rent increase to un-do all that work. I hung up the phone & my first reaction was panic. I started spiraling & I let the vines of the anxiety wrap around me & pull me down. When I called my husband Ian frantic about it, he said a lot of reassuring things that really did make me feel better. But I could still feel myself internally panicking about what would happen to our little house when these changes come.
I sat down to Bible journal that night. I wanted to spend some time with God before Ian got home from work. I wasn’t really sure what scripture I wanted to illustrate, so I started flipping through devotional books looking for something that inspired me or felt right. I flipped to a page on Matthew 6:26 and when I read that entire section (Matthew 6:25-34), I felt a sense of extreme calm wash over me! It was like magic! This is a passage of comfort. It shows how useless worrying is. God provides for the birds in the sky & the crops on the ground & they aren’t nearly as valuable as we are, therefore He will provide for us. He will meet our needs. We will never be left wanting. My favorite part of that passage is Matthew 6:31-34:
“Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.” (ESV)
Thank goodness! Praise God! He’s already looking out for my basic needs. My panic about our future apartment rent is undue because He already has a plan. He has never left me wanting. What I can do in the meantime is reach out to Him with a voice of gratitude for always providing! I don’t have the answers about how we will manage, but I’m promised through Matthew 6:25-34 that He will provide for our little house.
<3 Elaine
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