Before I start this article, I want to tell you: this isn’t the story of how I got pregnant. It’s not the story of how my husband & I started our family. It’s the story of how I learned to fill the in-between space. My husband & I have been trying to get pregnant for over 5 years with no results. My life is generally an open book, but this isn’t something I talk about with a lot of people & I haven’t even posted about it on here. Why? Because I get tired of the looks. Of the sympathetic head tilt. Of the empty encouragement & suggested solutions. Not everyone is like this– some people really are sincere, but most people offer over-confident, unhelpful advice.
“When you stop trying, it will happen when you least expect it.”
“They told my aunt that she couldn’t have kids & now she has twin boys!”
“Have you tried taking herbal supplements or doing yoga?”
“Maybe it’s because you’re kind of overweight…”
“You’re just lucky you get to sleep at night & don’t have to wake up for 5 am feedings!”
etc. etc. etc.
I’ve heard it all. That’s why I don’t talk about it. Because most people respond without thinking. They don’t think that maybe we’ve tried every medication & test & scan known to man. They don’t realize that I’ve had 3 hysteroscopy procedures in the past 3 years. They just respond without thinking. And after their response they’re thinking “I feel bad for her– I’m so glad it’s her & not me.”
In November, my younger sister & her husband told us that they’re expecting a baby. We’re happy now, but when we first found out, it was devastating. They’ve only been trying to conceive for a few months & hardly had to even think about it. They’re 2 years younger than us & barely married. My sister has never even babysat or changed a diaper before, so she has about ZERO experience on how to raise a child. It just didn’t seem fair. I cried for days. I couldn’t understand why God was doing this & what He was testing or preparing me for. I still don’t understand… But I keep the faith. I build my house on His strong foundation & trust that His way is better (Matthew 7:24-27 ESV). Sometimes it feels like our lives are at an in-between. In between having a baby & not having one.
But during this in-between, my sister is going to have her first baby– my first niece! And she’s not at all prepared. She’s going to be smacked in the face with parenthood, & it might be ugly. During this in-between, God wants me to be there. He wants me to focus on helping my sister & just simply being there. And I’m so glad for this in-between so that I can be a big part of this little one’s family. I can’t wait to meet Little Amelia, pray for her, teach her how to hold a paintbrush, dress her up in tu-tus, & be her aunt. There’s a point to His in-betweens. And we are so very blessed by that, aren’t we?
<3 Elaine
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Thank you, Elaine, for being open and honest about your feelings and sharing your struggles. I think this article will hit home with a lot of people. I’m sorry some people have been insensitive with their comments and have wounded a tender spot in your heart. I pray that God will be with you and your husband during this ‘in-between’ time. We might never know the answer to our “why, Lord” this side of heaven, but you are right to hold tight to your faith. While not at all the same as holding your own sweet baby, I’ve learned that being an aunt is pretty special too. Hugs.
Oh Elaine!
What an amazing perspective! I know your story will help so many!
I will pray for your in between ❤
Elaine- You are so brave to share your story, I am sure that was not an easy thing to do. Your strong faith is inspiring. Thank you for reminding us that sometimes, no matter how strong our faith, it can be difficult to understand or accept God’s plan and timing, but that is part of the journey. Prayers to you and your husband!
Bless your heart for sharing this Elaine. Prayers for this in-between for you guys. I have been there, and I know sharing this will comfort so many. Your bible journaling page is down right beautiful! Can’t wait to get my hands on some of these goodies you designed!