I have to admit, most of the time when I am bible journaling I am documenting what Jesus is doing on my heart. A lot of my pages are filled with praises, “WOW GOD” and prayers from my heart. I know the Holy Spirit has been working inside me, taking me deeper with each page, but to be honest most of my pages leave me feeling happy, lighter, filled up, just generally… awesome! I am not sure if you experience this when you are journaling? But friends? I kinda like it!!!
But what happens when you don’t feel that way?
What happens when you are only left with questions?
Questions are ok! They are part of our walk. The truth is when we are digging deeper, when we are holding our palms open to Him, to teach us what He has for us, to reveal to us what He wants for our life…. we must be prepared for what is about to happen. As Christians, I think sometimes we tuck away little pockets in our life, the ones we rather not face head on at the moment, ones we are ready to bury. We tell ourselves we have prayed over them we tell ourselves that they are taken care of, that they are ok…. but sometimes we are asked to remove the stone from what we have buried and to truly surrender it to Jesus. This process isn’t always easy.
As I read through A Heart That Receives I felt those whispers from Jesus, something that I had buried in my past needed me to champion a rebuild. Now, not only was Jesus asking me to open my heart up to this relationship I was willing to put in my past but He was asking ME to rebuild it? ME?! Are you sure Jesus? But I am stubborn, but I rather not, but no thank you! Has Jesus ever asked you to do something you had settled in your past? Who am I kidding? Of course, He has, He loves to stretch us in ways that are uncomfortable, you are sitting there nodding your head, come on… let me hear an amen sister!
It would be so much easier to sit here with my open bible and journal about how I am ready. How I want to stand up and say YES to what Jesus has laid on my heart, but the truth is…. I’m scared. I rather not go to those places that are uncomfortable. I like being stubborn, I have dug in my heels and I want to stand my ground. The truth is – rebuilding isn’t ready. It is work. I would love to document in my bible today that I am willing to let it all go and hand it over to Him in this moment, but if I am being honest I have to ask myself…. am I ready for this?
You see, this time my bible journaling wasn’t filled with ah-ha moments or praise hands, it was filled with questions. I decided today, even though I wasn’t ready to surrender it, I was ready to ask myself the question (am I ready?) and that my friends is the first step. When you are bible journaling don’t be afraid to document these moments. The moments filled with doubt, filled with sin, filled with questions because THAT is part of our journey. Months down the road as I begin to champion this rebuild I will have this whole journey documented, from the moment He first laid it on my heart through the fruit of His direction – THAT is a true reflection of our walk with God. It isn’t always a straight path with Jesus because we are human sometimes we stall, sometimes we detour and sometimes we totally get off course – I am encouraging you today to document every aspect of that journey – it is so important! It is for HIS GLORY!!! As we share the messy parts of our testimony we share God’s beautiful grace, love, and HOPE for all those that also are left with questions.
I wish I could tie this post up with a pretty bow about how I listened to Him and am on the other side of that bridge but in all honesty, I am still in the thick of it, just wanted to share some notes from the road!
Thank you for joining me today, I pray that each one of you are able to document your testimony in a way that is personal, true and most of all allows you to see exactly how God is working in your life today!
xox Shanna Noel
I have to believe that working through those questions is what truly builds one’s faith and relationship with God. Thank you for sharing, Shanna. And good luck on your journey!
Dearest Shanna, Thank you for sharing. For being open with us. Sometimes we feel like we have to be perfect. That if we aren’t that somehow we aren’t close enough, good enough……. I’m sure Satan likes to hit you with that one. Especially since you are in the public eye! Well, tell him to shut up, because it’s wonderful when we can be transparent with one another, when we can support one another, and walk this road arm in arm toward our Lord! I might just go read Nehemiah, now. It’s been a while since I read it. Thanks again, and God bless, Teresa